Help But Disrespect

28 Nov 2022 • Savraj Singh

“May we always conduct ourselves with kindness and grace.”

An interesting scenario that I often come across is “let me help you” but in the process of helping you, there are undertones of disrespect and “how could you ever exist like this you poor sod, you had no idea what you were doing, it’s all wrong.”

So the basic premise here is that we should always conduct ourselves, when possible, with kindness and grace – but we often don’t – I’m as guilty of it as the next person. I’ll see a project or a problem and just wade in and tear it apart, shift it in to high gear, solve it quickly, but in the process, I’ve ruffled feathers, bruised egos, and changed things that didn’t really need to be changed or offended stakeholders and operators who have been doing things one way for many years.

Is that really a win? In the coldhearted business sense, it is – the existing players need to check their egos and accept harsh new realities.

But in the long run, if you want to build relationships and strength as a team – there are better ways to operate. Basically, people will never remember what you said or did, but how you made them feel. So if you make people feel stupid, I don’t think that’s the best in the long run.

You can do things right, and at the same time win over hearts and minds – putting forward the same effort but just tweaking your approach to a problem.

So, “May we always conduct ourselves with kindness and grace,” unless the situation really, really demands otherwise.